This Ain't the Expendables XXX

This Ain't the Expendables XXX is a parody that just can't live up to the original. I'll give Braun and Hustler a lot of credit for taking this one on, and I really do love how they brought a cast like this together to take on the original. The problem is that the movie is just too short with a plot that's beyond light even by porn standards. If one hasn't watched the original The Expendables movie the plot is going to see more than laughable here, and the only real highlight for me was the Tera Patrick appearance at the job offer. Derrick Pierce does a great job channeling Bruce Willis' “Church” character, and Kimberly Kane and Tera Patrick trade barbs as nicely as Stallone and Schwarzenegger did in the original. Beyond that, the story portion of the movie barely even works to set up the sex scenes and seems like it could be completely written out on the back of a matchbook while leaving room to write two or three sequels of equal length. I know I'm probably being unrealistic with this being a porno, but I did have some hope for a few decent action sequences due to the care and meticulous nature Axel Braun is known for behind the camera. Instead the one action sequence was beyond laughable. I've seen seven year old kids running around playing cops and robbers with their fingers as guns pretending to shoot in a more realistic manner than the cast here.

Thankfully the sex is pretty decent. I'll admit that I would have loved to have seen Tera and Kimberly's verbal sparring go over a double blowjob for Derrick and for an orgy with the full “Expendables” crew back at the hangout, but what's here is pretty good. Brooklyn starts things out with a very nice bang for Billy, and the lesbian scene between Andy and Jessie is one of the best scenes in the movie. Kimberly gave a nice hummer for Derrick, but it left a bit to be desired for me because the camera often seemed to be aimed just a little too far forward and made for a horrible phantom cock appearance. Lyla did a very nice job taking on Brendon and Alec (who were hilarious as the evil henchmen) and the final threesome between London, Ana, and Some worked pretty well for barely having any interaction between the girls. This Ain't the Expendables XXX may have a great cast, but it chops down the original to the point that it's just not that satisfying of an adult feature.

Scene 1. Brooklyn Lee, Billy Glide

Scene 2. Andy San Dimas, Jessie Andrews

Scene 3. Kimberly Kane, Derrick Pierce

Scene 4. Lyla Storm, Alec Knight, Brendon Miller

Scene 5. Ana Foxxx, London Keyes, Ryan Driller

File Size :2.10 GB

Resolution :1280 x 720 Matroska

Duration :01:39:01

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